The last 5 Months - Death and Rebirth

It's been an eventful last five months. So much has happened. I'm not quite sure where to begin.

About 8 months ago I contacted my father. My parents divorced when I was a baby and I spent my childhood growing up with my mother and grandfather.
In March 2008 about a month before I ended my relationship with my boyfriend, my therapist/bodytalk lady asked me what I had learned from my relationship with my ex boyfriend? Hummm what did I learn? Being an only child, I learned how to listen, and how to be more selfish, in the sense of taking care of myself and then of others. Learned not to neglect myself and put others before my important needs. I also realized why he was in my life for a short period of time. Not only to get on my nerves and try my patience. How relationships can push those limits!!! LOL During one of our conversations in December of 2007, my ex boyfriend and I were discussing our parents and our relationships. My mom and I do not keep in touch as often as we should, and he said to me, don't loose the chance to tell her how much you love her, and try to be there. I took that and started thinking about my father. So I wrote him a letter. I have one memory of seeing my father in 2003 or 2004, when he came to Miami to visit. I was angry, resentful, and sad. I had waited for 23 years of my life to meet my father who was lost?? I was disappointed by the man I had met. So I discontinued communication, until this year.

Thank GOD for those little miracles. I sent the letter and waited.
a little over a month in April 2008 I rec'd a phone call from him. My intuition told me that he was angry with me. Angry that I just disconnected myself from him. Sure enough when we finally spoke about it, my inner voice was right!

We spoke almost everyday after that. We argued, joked, laughed poked fun, and my father acted like a father tell me a few very important things I needed to know and hear... already knew, but held weight coming from my dad.

Here is the biggest miracle. We stopped talking because he was an alcoholic and was consumed by his addiction. I didn't want a part of that lifestyle. He had been clean for the past 3 years when we finally spoke. I am so so VERY Proud of him, because his fight, courage, and strength, gave me a new found hope. Hope that I have my father MY father in my life!! The father I always craved, wanted, needed to fulfill that void I carried throughout my entire childhood. The void was filled!! How complete I feel.

One of the most joyful moments was to hear my father on the other end of the phone say," I LOVE YOU!" and even better when he heard me say, " I LOVE YOU TOO!" He cried...

Then on July 25, 2008 at 7PM, I rec'd distressing message form father. He was very upset. I received this overwhelming feeling of my heart in my stomach, butterflies so I called him back. There was no answer. Very odd. He always answers.

So, I waited and about 20 minutes later I rec;d a phone call from my fathers wife that my father had a heart attack and that he was being air lifted to the hospital.

A nervous wreck I proceeded to do bodytalk remotely. I used myself as a serigant, and half way through the treatment I felt very cold, it was strange, but ignored my worst fear and continued on. About 5 minutes after I the bodytalk treatment I did for my father, I got the phone call that he passed away.

Leonard Francis Wheeler died at age 51.

I cried, and screamed... no, no, NO! I layed in bed for 2 days, wore the same cloths for a week, and went for a bodytalk treatment. I was heart broken. Still am , but it gets easier. I finally went work after 4 days and went back to my karate school that I train at for support, and training.

Five months later, it still hurts. I'm in tears typing this right now. Somedays it easier and other days it isn't. I am grateful for what time we had, and even more grateful to have gotten to know him, become close, and tell him that I loved him. I think it made things easier. Do I wish we had more time??? Of course, I was angry with GOD, myself, the world for not allowing us more time. I'm beginning to understand that things happened the way it was ment to.

It's given me a new found strength and understanding of myself, and life in general.

A little interesting piece of information, My father had a tattoo of my name over his heart. it said Priscilla Mae... I never knew that until a June 2008. Priscilla-Mae is my model name and swim wear designs name and logo. Interesting huh?

Leonard Francis Wheeler August 21, 1957- July 25, 2008 - I miss you dad, I love you, and I will always be your little girl.

Priscilla Mae